- Can you cry under water?
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- Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?
- Why do you have to “put your two cents in”… but it’s only a “penny for your thoughts”? Where’s that extra penny going to?
- Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
- Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
- What disease did cured ham actually have?
- How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
- Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?
- If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
- If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?
- Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
- Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
- How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?
- Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway.
- If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?
- Why is “bra” singular and “panties” plural?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?
- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!
- “Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
- When your photo is taken for your driver’s license, why do they tell you to smile?
- If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?
- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
- If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
- What do you call male ballerinas?
- Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream?
- If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?
- Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
- Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
- Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?
- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
- Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
- How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
- If money doesn’t grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
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